Spam-a-Palooza

spam n. Unsolicited e-mail, often of a commercial nature, sent indiscriminately to multiple mailing lists, individuals, or newsgroups; junk e-mail. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/Spam

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

A Suspense Account! Spam from Africa...

From :Miss Rose wanta
Add:43 rue de angree djibi
ABIDJAN COTE D'IVOIRE WEST AFRICA


Dear Respectful One and a fine day to you, bitch!

Permit me to inform you of my desire of going into business relationship with you. I got your contact from the International web site directory you mean the internets? 'De world wide web? THE WORLD HIVE BRAIN!? Sure, go on....

I prayed over it over what? and selected your name lucky me! among other names ooh, unlucky thems! due to it's esteeming nature you're Goddamned RIGHT, I'm esteemed! and the recommendations given to me as a reputable and trust worthy person I can do business with from whom? EVERYTHING THEY SAY IS THE LIES! LIES! and by their recommenddations whomever "they" may be I must not hesitate SO QUIT WASTING TIME, CORKY! to confide in you for this simple and sincere business.

I am Rose wanta Fanta, the only Daughter of late Mr and Mrs George dont'cha Wanta Fanta My father was a very wealthy cocoa merchant in Abidjan, geography lesson alert: the economic capital of Ivory Coast, before he was poisoned to death which sucks only a bit more than being "poisoned into incapacitation" but is perhaps WAY worse than being "poisoned to slight irritation" by his business associates et tu, Bruté? on one of their outing to discus on a business deal and also the poisoning. Mr Wanta never DID read memorandums carefully.

When my mother died on the 21st October 1996 ...it was the 3rd of September..., my father took me special That day I'll always remember...Yes I will... because i am motherless look, kids! A bastard child!. Before the death of my father on 30th June 2003 in a private hospital here in Abidjan 'cause of the poison...And stuff..

He secretly called me on his bedside he was way into this ninja shit and told me that he has a sum of $7.500.000 (Seven Million, five hundred thousand dollars) left in a suspense dun dun DUNNNNN! account in a local Bank ooh, they have more than one! here in Abidjan, that he used my name as his only Daughter 'cause he felt bad just making up names for the next of kin in deposit of the fund.And i have my small brother he's a little person. My little brother in BOTH senses, it's really beautiful call mark Wanta Fanta
He also explained to me verrrrrry slowwwwwly that it was because of this wealth and some huge amount of money what, some random fucking amount of money? his business associates supposed to balance him what? from the deal they had, that he was poisoned by his business associates 'cause FUCK HIM, if he won't balance, let's kill him! No thought of where the monies may be, just kill him. kill him dead. with Drain-O., that I should seek for a God fearing God TERRIFIES me. He often takes my lunch monies. foreign partner in a country of my choice how nice! where I will transfer this money and use it for investment purpose, (such as real estate management) oh, suddenly you have a moment of clarity. Real estate management isn't all it's cracked up to be, missy...May I recommend "hookers and beer?".

Sir, we are honourably seeking your assistance in the following ways.

1) To provide a Bank account where this money would be transferred to done..

2) To serve as the guardian of this since I am a gilr a what? A gilr monster? of 19 (tender) years.
Moreover Sir, i am willing to offer you 20% of the sum as compensation for effort input after the successful transfer of this fund to your designate account overseas. So let me get this straight...I open an account, I serve as your guardian and I receive big US monies. Hmmm...No getting killed with the blunt objects? No untimely doom? No scamming me out of MY monies? SIGN ME UP, SODA GIRL!

Thanks and God Bless. Ooh, you're welcome!

Best regards.

Miss Rose wanta Fanta!

Monday, November 06, 2006

Spam With No Shame - Taking The Lord's Name in Vain...

DONATION FOR THE LORD
From: Mrs. Monica Tema

PLEASE ENDEAVOUR TO USE IT FOR THE CHILDREN OF (a lesser) GOD 'cause you know they don't hear to well n' stuff. I am the above name person Wow, forgot your scam-name already? You needs to PRACTICE from Sierra-Leone. I am married note: present tense to Dr Ebenezer Tema who worked with Sierra Leonian Embassy in South Africa for nine years before he died married to a dead man. Currently. That must suck, mostly in the year 2001. We were married for eleven years without a child 'cause my insides was a rocky place where his seed could find no purchase. Before my husband's death, we were both born again christians kinda like that band Stryper, but without all the hair. we liked to wear tight yellow outfits, though...Anyhow, where were we? and we lived happilly ever mother-fucking after. Since his death, I decided not to re-marry or get a child you know, like by stealing one outside my matrimonial home which the Bible is really against Wait, the bible don't want you to remarry or the bible is against NOT remarrying? MAKE MORE SENSE, SCAMMER.

When my late husband was alive you know, back before he was "dead" he secured (stoled) $15Million (Fifteen Million U.S. Dollars I love me some U.S. Dollars) with financial institution we only have one and, yes, It's called "Financial Institution." We thought it was a bit classier than "Bank," don't you agree? here in Cote D'Ivoire which is in a foreign language and DON'T TRY TO TRANSLATE IT 'cause you're not all foreign. And stuff. Anyway. Presently, this money is still with (our only) financial institution. Recently, my Doctor the only one in foreign-town told me that from all the test conducted on my health, I am not going to last long Well shit, maybe next time: not so many tests on your health. You might last longer, expecially heh, due to my cancer and stroke Ohhhh. Well shit...Yeah, that'll fuck you up. But what disturbs me most now is stroke 'cause cancer, let's face it, it ain't so bad for me. Hell, it has a pleasant flowery aroma and people give me sympathy. Stroke, on the other hand, well all it does is shoot my motor skills all to hell and make me drool. And talk funny. And look at the rest of this email, I CAN'T EVEN TYPE REAL GOOD! Screw you, Stroke! Screw you to Hell!.

Having known my condition biblically, I decided to donate this fund you know, the U.S. Dollars I revealed earlier to churches or Christian individual the only one in town! that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct YOU! Do as I say! First, you shall build a monument to me and don't make it all drooly, or effed up from stroke, alright? good, second.... I want a church or individual that will use this money to fund churches then give it to a church, Orphanages or an orphan and Widows or...Hey, YOU'RE a widow!. Also, the propagation what? of the work of God, building and maintaining the house of God It has a 4-car garage through this money, is very important.

The Bible made us to understand that Blessed is the hand that giveth right before the Lord taketh away. I took this decision because I don't have any child Insides, rocky place, blah blah blah that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are not Christians those heathen BASTARDS! What are they, Catholic?. I don't want my husband's hard earned (read: stoled) money to be misused by unbelievers or Catholics for that matter, for their own selfish interest like funding exorcisms and stuff and in an ungodly manner like, I dunno, receiving massages and meth from gay hookers. I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I know that I am going to be in the bossom where exactly IS the Lord's "bossom?" of the Lord. Exodus 14 VS 14 says that the lord will fight my case now THERE'S a lawyer you don't want to face in court and I shall hold my peace.

I don't need any telephone communication in this regard because of my health remember: I don't talk so good and I'm tired of repeating myself, and because of the presence of my husband's relatives I think one's even a preist around me sometimes. I don't want them to know about this development, but I know that With God all things are possible so he'll probably tell them. Man, I hope he doesn't tell them, they're creepy.

As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of Financial institution yes, the only one in Ivory coast. I will also give you all information regarding the deposit of this money. I will also look, gimpy, USE COMMAS! issue you a letter of authority that will empower you as the original- beneficiary the O.B. for street cred purposes of this fund. I want you and your church Foreign church of foreigners n' stuff to always pray for me because God work in misterious warm mist or cool mist? ways. My happiness is that I lived a life of a worthy Christian you said you were born again...So...What'd you do BEFORE then? Live a life indeed. Who ever that wants to serve the Lord must serve him in spirit and truth. Please always be prayerful all through your life. I...uh...Just gimme the monies.

Any delay in your reply will give me room in sourcing for a church or christian individual for this same purpose in English: speed it up there, Junior! You could lose the big score to some other sucker!. Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I stated herein praying for hookers and beer, building a house...I got it, strokey, now where's the cash?. Hoping to hear from you soon (just not on the telephone).

Remain blessed in the name of the Lord.

Yours in Christ,
Mrs Monica Tema that above named person from...above