spam n. Unsolicited e-mail, often of a commercial nature, sent indiscriminately to multiple mailing lists, individuals, or newsgroups; junk e-mail.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

News flash from the lunatic fringe

Just this minute I received an email from Gotoso Diogo with the subject line "Anna Nicole: The Mystery of Her Death"

The body of the email went on to tell me that she died from an enlarged penis. Her own or someone else's; it wasn't made clear. It was very cryptic. It appeared to be trying pass itself off as spam, seemingly selling me the "#1 Penis Enlargement Solution in the World," but with that subject line I knew there was a deeper meaning. Surely it wasn't chosen at RANDOM. No, my friends, this is not spam. Oh no. There's something "they" don't want us to know about the death of Anna Nicole. The "mystery" of it, if you will. I'm certain that this was really a disguised message from the people "in the know."

How can I be so sure? The answer is hidden in the coded message at the end: "ftkpkkkmkfkjkfmuhmiihihqhkhnhkhhhlishuiolhhthghh"

See? There can be no denying it. If you can't decode it out, you weren't meant to know, but I will say that what it reveals is chilling in its evil.

If you do figure out the message, be quiet about it though. Just knowing this could jeopardize your life. The email said "100% Guaranteed risk free" which is obviously meant as a warning of the extreme danger you will be in if you learn of this cover-up. I'm not afraid. I live with fear on a daily basis. I have a teenaged son.

Just remember, the truth of Anna's death is out there. It's walking on three legs.

Luckily we have Gotoso Diogo risking his life to warn us.

You're a good man Gotoso.


Friday, March 23, 2007

A bit'o Spam

It's been awhile since I've done anything with the spam that used to flood my inbox. As you can tell if you have stopped by lately. I say "used to flood my inbox" because our IT guys have managed to shut the flow down to a trickle. That's great and all, but it makes material scarce. Luckily I've been holding on to quite a few for quite awhile, just waiting for the posting urge to strike. It has struck, in a tiny way. I will now give you a few morsels of spam. My comments, as usual, in red.


From: Ketty Kloecker
Subject: Don't pass by for god sake. Render assistance, you heartless bastard!
Date: March 21, 2007 6:14:53 PM MDT
To: collin

Something attractive are occur with SCPT, did you saw I did saw! I did! It so attractive! Make me horny! So horny! .02 x.04 ? You betcha. .02 x.04 worth of horny!
I think we need to buy it before it reach 0.06 mark. Do you? Are you sure? That's .02 more horny if we wait! Let's wait! Let the horny build and build!

LOOK at statistic. Do I gotta? I'm busy letting the horny build! Sigh. Fine.

Last Trade: 0.04
Change: Up 0.02 (81.82%)
Prev Close: 0.02
Volume: 5,421,146 Now, I'm no money guru, but wouldn't an increase from .02 to .04 equal a 100% increase? *Ahem* I mean 'Statistic make me horny even more!' So much volume! So attractive!

But do not tell me later thet i wasn't noticed you. I couldn't if I wanted to.

Truly Yours, Ketty If you are truly mine, can I sell you? I think that should be allowed. Apply you towards my student loans.


Best spam title I've gotten lately: "Jennifer keeps the room warm."

Unfortunately, that's the only good thing about that one. No explanation how she does it. Nothing further is said of Jennifer. Just more babble about stocks I don't realize I want.


From: nevil ambrosius (
Subject: Sir, your product works like no other. It does indeed. So you'll be buying a thirty then?
Date: March 20, 2007 9:23:05 PM MDT
To: antonina (collin@blahblahblah) WTF? Like I'm not going to know my own name? Who the hell is Antonina? Answer me Nevil Ambrosius, you prick!

Did you know that a recent survey showed that 85% of women actually get aroused by a man who produces "above average" semen amounts? Who does these surveys? Do they just hang around WalMart with a clipboard and a lewd expression? "Excuse me miss, does THIS much semen make you horny?" Produces a pint bottle full of teeny wigglers from behind his back. Notes reaction. Moves on. With our pills, she'll be speechless... They're mostly alum. Damned handy if the lady of the bedroom is a bit too chatty. and defiantly coming back for more... Give me what I want or I'll smack you into Tuesday!

Other than a link and filler text, that was it. The entire sales pitch. I'm left unconvinced.

Have a great weekend everyone!