They Work Rapidly - Yesterday's Tradgedy is Today's Spam Email...
From: Barrister Morgan John
Subject: Read carefully....
Dear Mr /Mrs Knight, Hey! Make up your mind! What if I were a Miss or a Ms.? Huh? I mean, God Forbid you don't have ALL your bases covered, dirty spammer!
Re: Next of kin to my late client Eng. Adams Knight. And the "Eng" stands for...what? "England?" "Engineer?" "ENGRISH?"
With due respect, trust and humility, I write to you you don't say irrespective of the fact that you do not know me you don't say, but please do consider this letter as a request from a person in dare need go ahead, need something. I DARE you... of assistance from a trust worthy person barkin' up the wrong tree, pal. I'm way more likely to steal your monies as look at you. And I don't really feel like looking at you. You may be surprised to receive this letter from me since you don't know me personally again, you don't say. I do like how you're trying so damn hard to reenforce that fact. YOU DON'T KNOW ME. For the REALS.
I am Barrister Morgan John (The man of two first names, as I am known in my country), a solicitor ohhh, NOW I get why you're called Morgan JOHN...Solicitaion!at law; I am was the personal attorney to late Eng.Adams Knight (known in our country as 'he of two last names'), who used to work with shell - Development Company in Nigeria no shit, really? Nigeria sounds like such a magical place. So full of lost monies just looking for a home. I must visit someday.. Hereinafter shall be referred to as my client. On April 25th 2005 note: that was YESTERDAY, my client, his wife and three children were involved in a train accident should've taken the plane in Japan during their visit to Japan you don't say. Often times, i find my Japanese accidents happening while visiting Korea. Japan is sneaky sneaky like that which all the families were dead lucky day to be a single guy on the train. Here is some news about the train accident:
there was a link about this train accident which happened YESTERDAY in Japan. Lots of folks dead. All official and such.
Since then since YESTER-FUCKING-DAY you mean? I have made several at least two enquiries to your embassy to locate any of my client's extended relatives the ones with pryopism, I mean, but this has also proved unsuccessful 5 minutes of work trying to find some relatives sounds like hard work! You must be bushed. Take a break, have some lemonade. After several two, maybe three AT LEAST attempts to locate a member of his family, hence I contacted you since you gots that name thing in common and, Hell, you smell trustworthy. I am contacting you to assist me repatriating 'cause damn that fucking money...It's become so unpatriotic in the past year, dissing the states, burning flags, doing kamikaze shooters...Dirty treasonous bastard monies. the money and properties left behind by my client you know, YESTERDAY before they get confiscated or declared unserviceable to the bank here this huge deposit were lodge um...what? I have a prediction...You keep sending out the spam, you'll soon find a 'huge deposit' 'lodge' somewhere quite uncomfortable. Got it, Sparky?. Particularly, the bank where the diseased he had a disease? OH! You mean the 'deceased.' Damn you and your flimsy grasp on my language. Eff off, spammer had an account valued at [12.5million dollars] oh shit, 12.5 million in BRACKETS? shit, that's a lot of cash without the brackets but...SHIT! IN BRACKETS!? You have my attention now has issued me a notice to provide the next of kin or have the account confiscated within the next fourteen official working days which may really be 15 to 17 UNOFFICIAL working days, there's a weekend coming up and LORD KNOWS what kind of weird national holidays we have here in Nigeria.
Since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relative for the past years or the PAST FUCKING DAY! It's been ONE GODDAMN DAY! You lazy sumbitch, now I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin to my late client gorsh, why not? After all, how many next-of-kins am I now...Damn, I think I've run out of fingers with which to COUNT the occurences!. Since you both have the same surname you don't say and you are capable of doing this transaction. So that the proceeds of this account valued at bracketed [12.5miilion dollars] can be paid to you, then you and I can share the money 60% for me and 30% for you Huh? 30/60? that...That doesn't even add up! I mean, 30% of 12.5 (bracketed) meeeelion ain't bad, but why does YOUR dumb ass get 60!? I'm offended, sir, and I don't mind saying so!, while 5% will be used to offset all the expenses incurred in the course of this transaction oh...um...ok... including tax and 5% for the poor in your country oh, what...so now I've got to be the bad guy for not wanting the 'poor in my country' to get 5%? Eff those bums, tell 'em to get a job. I have all necessary legal documents that can be used to back up our claims oh, I'm sure you do. All i require is your honest co-operation heh to enable us seeing this transaction through. I guarantee that this will be executed under legitimate arrangement of course, I expect nothing less that will protect you from any breach of the law except for the obvious theft of 12.5 (bracketed) MEELION U.S. dollars from some dead fella' whom I've never heard of. Outside of that, the whole thing sounds clean as a whistle!.
Please get in touch with me by my email and send the following information to me.
Your full name of course, so you can efficiently look me up
Residential address so that, when paired with my name, you can swiftly find me and kill me
Phone and fax numbers to enable us discuss further about this transaction. so you can blow smoke up my ass prior to killing me
Looking forward to your prompt response. And here it is! 'blow it out your ass, Mr. John!'
Best regards to you and your family.
Thank you. You're quite welcome.
Barrister Morgan 'honest' John